but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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