u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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