I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
