Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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