big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
