She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
