I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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