i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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