next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
