sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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