we made out on top of his cat.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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