My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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