You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What a dumb baby whore.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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