How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
True strength comes from lack of pants
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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