Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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