there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize