I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think people are normalizing furries
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
