It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
