you would pick up someone in the library
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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