I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
