Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
