Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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