I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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