I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
