I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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