fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
