Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize