he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found puke in my bra..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
