remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
