Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
