i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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