I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
