after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
