Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
