just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
