My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
