Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
birth control should be required to get into college
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
