Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
