wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
