He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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