I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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