My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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