Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
