she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize