He uses pillows to masturbate.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
