i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
