As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
