I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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