One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize