it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
