I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
