I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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