Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
