my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
