I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
