he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize