before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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