youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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