I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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