I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
