The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
