i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
