dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
