Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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