I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
