I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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