You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can I color on your dick again?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
