I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
only if we run a train.
done.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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