Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
